Uneasy is the head that wears a crown

By Matthew Young, RealWV

I’ve been writing about politics in West Virginia for four years now, and I wrote about it in other states for years before that. I take what I do very seriously, and I strive to deliver the most unbiased reporting that I can. That gets harder every day, and there are those who say I fail miserably at it. Democrats have told me I’m too conservative, and Republicans have told me I’m too liberal. But I’ve always followed the mantra that if both sides are telling me I’m doing it wrong, then I must be doing something right. 

I was taught that the reporter is the least important part of the story. And while we don’t seek credit or notoriety, we should be proud of the words that come after our byline. We have an overwhelming task which is often impossible to complete. It doesn’t pay very well, it leaves us open to constant criticism and threats, and there’s not a day goes by when we don’t question if it’s even worth doing. 

Our job is simple in theory, but not in application. We observe what happens in your world, and we report that information back to you. We are your eyes in the dark and your ears in the silence, and we deliver as much information as we can so that you are equipped to form your own educated opinions. That’s how I have always approached my job, and I’ll continue to approach it that way. I work for you. Not in the way a politician does, because I won’t tell you what you want to hear – I’ll simply tell you what’s going on in your world whether you like it or not.

And right now what’s going on is pretty disgusting.

In all the time I’ve been writing, I’ve never seen the level of irresponsibility or the sheer absence of empathy that’s coming out of West Virginia’s Legislature this year. If you’ve even been halfway paying attention, you know what I’m talking about. And every time I think they can’t possibly build a bigger sign to display their ignorance to the rest of the country, they manage to surprise me. But the nonsense they pulled last week, that was a coup de grâce to everything our country is supposed to be. 

I guess really I should thank our legislature, because it’s the crap like that that makes me know my job is absolutely worth doing. So as a sign of my appreciation – just this once – here’s an article especially for our Antichrist-on-Red-Bull legislators, written the way they would apparently love the world to be. 

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CHARLESTON, W.Va. – A victory was won in West Virginia, on Friday, in the state’s ongoing battle for straight-white-Christian-male supremacy, as the terrifyingly-woke “CROWN Act” was forced back into the closet by Sen. Eric Tarr, R-Putnam. Tarr, along with the majority of his colleagues in the State’s Senate, expressed his concern that West Virginia is simply too poor not to be racist. 

“The Human Rights Commission is likely gonna have to take up more cases,” Tarr told colleagues in the Senate Chamber on Friday. “I would imagine that they’d have to add staff, have more administrative costs that’s going to be associated with it, and the Attorney General has questions with it.”

Sponsored by Senators Mike Caputo, D-Marion, Mike Woelfel, D-Cabell, and Judiciary Chair Charles Trump, R-Morgan, SB 496 dangerously seeks to permit Black people to allow their hair to grow naturally, potentially resulting in hairstyles which could be intimidating to Caucasians. While dozens of states have enacted similar legislation, Tarr’s concerns over “financial implications” are certainly not just a pathetic attempt by a coward to bury a bill that would force him to recognize minorities as more than two-thirds of a person. 

According to made up reports from the fictitious whiteisright.com, unlawful discrimination has the potential to result in costly litigation. Research conducted by numerous White Nationalist organizations indicates that the potential for such significant “financial implications” can be easily offset by simply allowing lawful discrimination. 

“Do you have evidence that you can point to that suggests that there will be more (discrimination) cases if this bill becomes law?” Trump asked Tarr during the debate. While Trump’s question was both logical and appropriate, he should still just shut up and know his place.

“We don’t have evidence,” Tarr replied, adding, “Nana nana boo boo.”

In a statement released on Sunday, the West Virginia Senate’s Black Caucus said, “…………………..”

Before debate began on the Senate floor, and despite a courageous yet failed attempt on the part of Sen. Patrick Martin, R-Lewis – who will celebrate his ninth birthday in May – to table the bill before discussion  even got started, HB 496 was worked for more than 90 minutes in a Thursday night meeting of the Senate Judiciary Committee. 

Sen. Mike Stuart, R-Kanawha, who abhors racism, said, “I abhor racism,” before referencing Bob Ross as “the white guy with the big afro” for unknown reasons. 

Stuart, who nobody was familiar with until about two weeks ago when he began to introduce nonsensical Senate Resolutions in what was absolutely not a comically-sad attempt to breathe life into his faltering campaign to be the state’s next attorney general, voted to kill the bill before it left committee. It should be noted that Stuart abhors racism. 

When asked for comment regarding Stuart’s vote, W.Va. State Auditor and Republican frontrunner for Attorney General J.B. McCuskey said, “Who’s Mike Stuart?”

The bill passed the Judiciary Committee by a vote of 10 to seven. Friday’s action in the Senate Chamber saw the bill then referred to hospice in the Finance Committee, of which Tarr serves as Chair, by a vote of 22 to 12. 

It is unlikely that RealWV will provide further updates regarding the status of HB 496, as there is approximately a one-in-1,132,455,864 chance that Tarr will allow any further discussion. 

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Even though Mike Stuart really did talk about Bob Ross’ afro, that was obviously meant as satire. However those people, ladies and gentlemen, are the ones who are making our laws. And yet they wonder why we don’t take them seriously.

There’s a song Eddie Vedder wrote that’s pretty old now. There’s a line in it that says, “I don’t know whether I’m the boxer or the bag.” I struggle with that question all the time, and most days I don’t know the answer. But I will continue to do my job as the eyes and the ears, because reporting what’s going on in your world is worth doing – whether you like it or not. 

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