The countdown is on – 103 days until Halloween!

By Matthew Young, RealWV

Let’s start by addressing the elephant in the room: why 103 days, why not 100?

Well, I’m unpredictable. I’m a rebel without a cause – a modern day Holden Caulfield, subverting expectations and giving the finger to societal norms. 

No buying it, huh? Alright, fine. I’ve been wanting to carve the watermelon for like three years now, and I was all jazzed up to publish the picture.  But seriously, are you really going to complain about getting a three-day head start on the most blood-curdlingly amazing time of the year? 

Oh, you are? Fine, why don’t you just come back on Tuesday then?

Go ahead. The rest of us will wait… 

Hello, and welcome back. If you’re just joining us, it is now Tuesday, July 23. So for all you purists with a witch’s broomstick up your butt, there are officially just 100 days until Halloween!

If you’re anything like me (and why wouldn’t you be? I’m awesome), you’re probably asking yourself “where all my haunted houses at?” Well don’t worry because I’m going to tell you. I’m also going to tell you when they open, what their schedules are, if they got funnel cakes, how to get a gig working there, and whatever else I feel like telling you. 

See? Told you I was awesome.

Miller’s Nightmare Haunted Farm

First up is one of the best haunted attractions in the eastern half of the country, and one of my all-time personal favorites – Miller’s Nightmare Haunted Farm. And this year will be extra special, because 2024 marks the 10th season that the team at Miller’s Farm has scared the crap out of the Greenbrier Valley. 

The actors are a blast, the production is top-notch, and the scares are so good that there’s at least a 43% chance you’ll poop yourself in the haunted corn maze. The props and make-up are Hollywood quality, the midway has a great vibe with its bonfire, escape rooms, and merchandise shop, and you can absolutely get a funnel cake. 

Also, it’s the home-haunt of RealWV’s favorite ghoul, Taser Girl!

Miller’s Nightmare Haunted Farm is open Friday and Saturday nights, beginning Sept. 27 and running throughout the month of October. Gates open at 6:30 p.m., and tickets start at $20. 

Schedule: Friday and Saturday nights, beginning Sept. 27

Price: Starting at $20 for standard admission

Scare Level: 43% chance of pooping yourself – probably best to leave the toddlers with the sitter. 

*NOTE: Refunds will not be given in the event that you poop yourself.

Funnel Cakes: Available for purchase in the midway

Miller’s Nightmare Haunted Farm is located at 260 Cabin View Lane, in Lewisburg. For more information, including employment inquiries or to purchase tickets online, visit millersnightmare.com. And absolutely click on THIS LINK to read our interview with the Greenbrier Valley’s very own horror icon, Taser Girl!

If you’re reading this, you just missed the link. Go back. 

Haunted Hollow Hills Hayride

While you’re in Lewisburg, be sure to shoot out to the WV Renaissance Fairgrounds, and check out the Haunted Hollow Hills Hayride. This is the only haunted attraction in the Mountain State that can lay claim to being designed by Jason Voorhees’ uncle, and if that’s not a bucket list item for you, are you even really living?

That’s right, stage and screen legend Taso Stavrakis and his partner Dawn Kieninger – the same dynamic duo behind the Renaissance Festival – are the masterminds behind the hayride. And although Taso’s horror pedigree is second to none, the hayride is actually intended for a family-friendly crowd. 

There’s games, yummy food, and a maze. And while the availability of funnel cakes is yet to be determined, you can throw knives at stuff. 

The full schedule for the Haunted Hollow Hills Hayride hasn’t been released as of now, but typically the attraction is open Friday, Saturday, and Sunday evenings through October. The hayrides also begin before nightfall, to take care of those little monsters who might be afraid of the dark. 

Schedule: Friday, Saturday, and Sunday evening through the month of October

Price: TBD

Scare Level: 6% chance of pooping yourself – probably your safest bet for just a touch of scary fun with the little ones.

Funnel Cakes: Unclear at this time, but they compensate for the uncertainty with the guy who killed Kevin Bacon in Friday the 13th.

The WV Renaissance Fairgrounds are located on US Route 60, eight miles west of Lewisburg. For more information, visit wvrenfest.com. And if you click on THIS LINK, you can read the career-defining interview I did with Taso Stavrakis! 

You missed it again. It’s right above you.

Haunted Majestic

Let me start by saying five words, and just sit quietly for a second while your brain absorbs them…

1) Haunted 2) house 3) on 4) a 5) boat

I don’t know what else you want me to say. I mean, there’s a whole lot more to it than just the boat. But, you know… haunted house on a boat, why are we even still talking about it? 

The Majestic is an old World War II hospital barge that’s also available for late-night ghost hunting. But before you even get to it, the longer-than-you’d-expect walkthrough gets progressively scarier. And when you, like the mighty chicken, get to the other side, well – let’s just say I didn’t poop myself, but you probably will.

The midway has a great Texas Chainsaw vibe with food and games. And they also have different celebrities each week. Last year Vicki from Friday the 13th Part 2 was there, and I missed her. There’s not a day goes by now that I don’t think about all that could have been… 

Schedule: Friday and Saturday nights, beginning Sept. 27

Price: Starting at $20 for standard admission

Scare Level: 87% chance of pooping yourself. Bring extra pants – and possibly extra shoes depending on what you eat before you come.  

Funnel Cakes: Available for purchase in the midway.

The Haunted Majestic is located at 485 Kyle Lane in Huntington. For more information, including employment inquiries or to purchase tickets online, visit hauntedmajestic.com. And 1,000% click on THIS LINK to read Autumn Shelton’s interview with owner Dana Tomes about the creepy true history of the Majestic!

I said 1,000%! Go click the link!

Sadly, those are the only three haunted attractions I have been to thus far in West Virginia, although I have every intention of adding a few notches to my belt this upcoming spooky season! 

In the meantime, westvirginiahauntedhouses.com is an amazing resource for the insidiously-inclined. From Fright Nights in Daniels, to the Cooper Family Farms Haunted Maze in Milton, to Twelvepole Manor Haunted Attraction in Wayne, westvirginiahauntedhouses.com will help you get the most screams for your buck this Halloween. 

The countdown is on, ladies and gentleman! Before you know it, we’ll all be reading Washington Irving stories, and decorating the Halloween Tree! 

We at The RealWV wish you and yours the happiest of holidays! 

And please, be safe out there in the dark…