SUNDAY SERMON: Resolving Conflict Faithfully

By Rev. Stephen Baldwin

NT: Matthew 18.15-20

“Whenever two or more are gathered … it can be really hard to get along.” Can I get an amen? It’s true of gatherings anywhere at any time by any people of any age, any race, and any politics. We, as human beings, are magnets to conflict. 

“Whever two or more are gathered…it can be really hard to get along.” What a great line by Audrey West! 

People usually think of that scripture in relation to small groups or small church gatherings. For example, only a couple people show up to Bible study, and someone says, “Well God promised that whenever two or three are gathered in his name, he will be there too.” 

That’s a great pearl of wisdom, but it’s not really what the passage is about. The passage is really about conflict management. It’s about how hard it is to get along whenever two or three people are gathered together, let alone when you get 12 people on a jury or 134 legislators in the capitol or 300 million voters in a country. 

The passage begins, “If your brother and sister sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone.”

Sometimes people say religion isn’t practical; you can’t say that about today’s Bible story! We face conflict everyday, and we don’t know how to handle it. Let me rephrase: We know how we’re supposed to handle it, but practically we don’t know how to handle it at the moment. 

I’m the world’s worst. Because I always seem to do the completely wrong thing. If I’m in a conflict, my first instinct is to ignore it. Make light of it. Smile and nod. Gloss over it. Stare ahead like everything is fine. That’s not healthy, and neither is my second instinct. Which is to ramp it up and fight about it. “Let me tell you something, buddy!” Again, not healthy or productive…or faithful. I confess my sins openly. 

So what’s a better method? In Matthew, Jesus preaches accountability. If you have a conflict with someone, go to them directly. Don’t talk to an intermediary. Don’t talk about them to a third party who’s not involved. Go to them directly and work it out. 

What happens if that doesn’t do the trick? Then take a person or two with you. See if you can hash it out together. 

And if that doesn’t work? Take it before the whole community, which is the church. 

So for Matthew, you manage conflict in three stages. Carefully. Quietly at first. Publicly only if necessary. Why does Jesus take such great care in giving conflict management advice? Because of his goal. For Jesus, the goal of conflict management is reconciliation. 

If someone does you wrong, you deal with that not because you get to be right. Not for revenge. Not to show them up. You deal with them directly so that you can be reconciled to one another and the entire community can live together reconciled. 

That sort of direct accountability is hard. Because it’s much easier to talk about someone than it is to talk with someone. Especially someone who has hurt you, or whom you have hurt. It’s easier to stare ahead like everything is fine. To shrug your shoulders and say there’s nothing that can be done to fix the conflict. 

This is a small but good example of that better way Jesus teaches. Once when I was serving in the Senate I welcomed a group of students from Midland Trail High School to be pages for the day, seeing the government up close and learning about the legislative process. At the end of the day, I took a picture with them and posted it online, saying something like, “Very thankful for these hard-working students from Meadow Bridge High School for representing Fayette County today in Charleston!” 

I’d unknowingly made a grave error, saying the students from Midland Trail were from Meadow Bridge, which would have been enough to start a civil war in years past between those Fayette County rivals. But again, I had no idea what I’d done. 

Within two minutes of posting that picture, I received a phone call from the principal. He thanked me for spending the day with the students, talked about the impact it made on them, and then gently told me that I’d misspoken the name of the school. There was no anger about the mistake or judgment that I was secretly stirring a rivalry; he came to me directly, graciously, and resolved a conflict quickly. 

I’m sure you too can think of times someone has come to you during a conflict, directly and graciously, in order to make amends and be reconciled. The person who did that is a dear friend to you and a faithful follower of the conflict management style taught by Jesus. 

How can we find the strength to handle conflict as Jesus teaches? He has already told us. “Wherever two or three gathered, I will be with you.” 

If we are working for reconciliation of relationships, the Lord will be with us, giving us the strength we need right when we need it. Thanks be to God. Amen.