Poor Mountaineers’ Almanack: Snow, sleet, and mansplaining democracy

Hello, and welcome to Poor Mountaineers’  Almanack for January, 2026. My name is Richard Saunders (a.k.a. Dickey Dickey Dollar Bill, a.k.a. the Saund Man), and I’ll be your host as we explore the happenings in our hills and hollers through the first month of the year.

Let’s kick it off with a look at the wild and wonderful world of the West Virginia Wovernment! 

It’s raining men (and opportunity). Hallelujah

Former WV Delegate Cindy Lavender-Bowe, D-Greenbrier, last week, penned an op-ed in which she shared her belief that West Virginia having the lowest number in the nation of women serving in its state legislature may not necessarily be a good thing. And frankly, she may be on to something. Aside from their biological pre-disposition to over-emotionally bake biscuits and birth babies, women have, on occasion, done stuff. 

Just this month, we came together as free Mountaineers to mourn the loss of former Democratic WV Delegate Dr. Margaret Staggers, and acknowledge the retirement of now-former Republican WV Senator Donna Boley – who, by the way, was the longest-serving state senator in the state’s history. Aaaand, she made that happen during a time when the Blue Dogs had the biggest bone. 

Now I hope you’re sitting down, because they weren’t the only women from West Virginia who did stuff. Pearl S. Buck won the Pulitzer Prize in 1932 for “The Good Earth” – you know that book we all hated reading in the seventh grade? The one with Wang Lung and Olan, and all the concubines? Hmmm, on second thought, maybe we didn’t all hate reading that one. 

Anyway, what about Katherine Johnson? This woman’s IQ was so insanely-high that her brain capacity literally landed a bunch of white guys on the moon. She was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2015, and then Hollywood made a Kevin Costner movie about her the following year. Great flick if you haven’t seen it. 

See what I’m saying? I know it sounds crazy, but women can do stuff. And now that “Yellowstone” isn’t on TV anymore, they have extra time to do even more stuff. And I’m not talking DEI here, because we all know that DEI is just an acronym for communist genocide. Obviously different ideas and viewpoints are dangerous, and we should all be terrified of them. But things like, I don’t know, gender-specific healthcare maybe. When we’re thinking about fallopian tubes and vaginas – and let’s be honest, we all spend a lot of time thinking about vaginas – maybe we should ask the owners. 

Interestingly enough, those particular owners are also sometimes referred to as “The Guardians of the Galaxy.” But I think that’s just in blue states – also possibly Canada. 

But let’s put vaginas back in the kitchen for now, and talk about the real work that the men are doing in our state’s government. 

Last month, West Virginia’s House Speaker Roger Hanshaw, R-Clay, stood on the floor of the People’s Chamber and proudly declared that the goal of the 2026 legislative session would be “jobs first, opportunity everywhere.” And here we are about five weeks later, and suddenly the state has been transformed into a jobs and opportunity bonanza! 

We’ve just crossed the two week mark of the 60-day legislative session, and 901 bills have been introduced into the House of Delegates so far. And with almost 20 days still left to introduce even more bills, you can bet your mountain mama that that number will have a comma in it before it’s all said and done. 

Lawmakers in our House have introduced 901 pieces of prospective legislation that, according to Hanshaw, are supposed to be putting “jobs first” and creating “opportunity everywhere.” So, are they? Let’s take a look. 

There are six categories which bills are divided into that fall under the “jobs first, opportunity everywhere” umbrella. I guess you could argue that there are maybe one or two more, but it’s my list so I’m going with six. Well, I’ll throw in education and call it seven. 

• Economic Development: 29 bills introduced
• Professions and Occupations: 25 bills introduced
• Banking and Finance: 18 bills introduced
• Consumer Protection: 17 bills introduced
• Corporations: 8 bills introduced
• Alcohol, Liquor, and Beers: 6 bills introduced
• *K-12 Education: 153 bills introduced

Oh hell, let’s go wild and throw in a few more. 

• Agriculture: 5 bills introduced
•  Corrections: 17 bills introduced
• Counties: 36 bills introduced
•  Energy: 9 bills introduced
• Environment: 19 bills introduced
• Insurance: 35 bills introduced
• Labor: 16 bills introduced
• Retirement: 23 bills introduced
• Salaries: 4 bills introduced
• Taxation: 125 bills introduced

Okay, I think we’ve got a pretty good spread here. That’s a total of 545 out of 901 proposals that should theoretically fit the bill (See what I did there? Fit the bill – oh man, that’s good stuff.) of “jobs first, opportunity everywhere.” That’s more than 60%, that’s actually pretty great! But let’s take out like half of the education and taxation bills because we know they don’t all fit the bill (That just keeps getting funnier!), and that puts us at 406 out of 901. Now we’re talking about 45%, and I’m no Katherine Johnson, but I’m fairly sure that’s less than half. 

So how many of those 901 bills has the House of Delegates actually passed so far? 

Okay that information is coming in now, and I’m being told they’ve passed 180 bills. No, wait, my apologies – the decimal point was in the wrong place. The House of Delegates has not passed 180 bills…

They’ve passed 18. 

Wow, alright. So 18 “jobs first, opportunity everywhere” bills out of 901. That’s pretty bad, that’s less than 2%. Oh wait, I apologize again. I’m now being told that not all 18 fit the bill. (Oh man, it just doesn’t get old). Of the 18, there are arguably 5 that could be considered “jobs first, opportunity everywhere” legislation. And just think, it was like 30 seconds ago that you thought 2% was bad. 

So what are the other 13 bills? Well to be fair, there’s some stuff there intended to make Child Protective Services function better, and a plan to create some new post-high school educational grants. And we should give our House members credit for trying to step up and make sure that Hancock County could pay its teachers and school staff. But they’re also fighting to make sure that the already illegal practice of human smuggling and trafficking is now illegaler, and trying to make it so eighth and ninth graders can go to summer school in order to get their grades up just enough to play sports in the fall. But in keeping with fairness, we do treat school sports like career training in West Virginia, so that last one maybe could be considered “jobs first, opportunity everywhere.”

The weather, because this is an almanack after all

It’s cold. It’s gonna be cold for probably like two more months. There’s a bunch of ice and crap everywhere. It’ll melt, and then more of it will fall out of the sky like all the jobs and opportunity, and it’ll be all over the roads again. Somebody said there’s a groundhog or something that’s gonna pop out of a hole on Monday and chase Bill Murray around a golf course. But I don’t know what the hell that guy was talking about. 

So yeah, it’s January – it’s cold. And if you look out the window, you’ll see the ice and crap everywhere. There’s your weather. You’re welcome. 

Parting sagacity

Now if I could please, I’d like for all of our West Virginia Democrats to join me in a truth circle. Come on in. No need to squeeze, there’s plenty of room. But if you’re not a Democrat, take a hike. Seriously – beat it. This is Blue Team only. 

Alright listen, in the late 70s’, Kenny Rogers put out a song called “The Gambler.” 

You know the one… 

You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run…

Yeah, that one. Somewhere around 2012, you guys made that song your mantra, and you sure did fold ‘em and run. But now I think it’s time to turn your attention to another Kenny Rogers song. Unlike “The Gambler,” this one has a baseball theme which I feel is appropriate since pitchers and catchers report in like two weeks. 

Please indulge me – I promise it’ll be worth it. 

Little boy in a baseball hat, stands in the field with his ball and bat. He says, ‘I am the greatest player of them all.’ He puts his bat on his shoulder and he tosses up his ball. And the ball goes up and the ball comes down, he swings his bat all the way around. And the world’s so still he can hear the sound, as the baseball falls to the ground.

Now the little boy doesn’t say a word. He picks up his ball, he is undeterred. He says, ‘I am the greatest there has ever been.’ And he grits his teeth and he tries it again. And the ball goes up and the ball comes down. He swings his bat all the way around. The world’s so still he can hear the sound, as the baseball falls to the ground.

Now he makes no excuses, he shows no fear. He just closes his eyes, and he listens to the cheers.

Little boy, he adjusts his hat. He picks up his ball, stares at his bat. He says, ‘I am the greatest, and the game is on the line.” And he gives his all one last time. And the ball goes up and the moon so bright. He swings his bat with all his might. And the world’s as still as still can be. And the baseball falls and that’s strike three.

Now it’s supper time and his mama calls. Little boy starts home with his bat and ball. He says, ‘I am the greatest, and that is a fact. But even I didn’t know I could pitch like that.’ He says, ‘I am the greatest and that is understood. But even I didn’t know I could pitch that good.’

So Democrats, I guess what me and Kenny are saying here is that you’ve been striking yourselves out now for a really long time. You guys think that maybe you should learn how to pitch? Just sayin…

Anywho, this has been Poor Mountaineers’ Almanack for January, 2025, and I’ve been Richard Saunders (a.k.a. Dickey Dickey Dollar Bill, a.k.a. The Saund Man). 

Until next time – stay classy, Best Virginia!